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I have a few drafts stored away either in my computer or in the recesses of my mind, but I think I really have to get this one out of the system before I can move on to bigger and better things. Not because of anything but just because I hate injustice done towards anyone including yours truly and not being able to write about it just gnaws away at my nerves.

Disclaimer: This will be full of personal rants so if you would rather not read about anything less than cheerful then I would strongly advise you to skip this post.

Well, I really cannot comprehend how some people who seem so nice, demure and straightforward can commit such atrocious acts of backstabbing and display such boldness in fabricating complete lies about another person. I admit my faults, I admit my weaknesses, I admit I am not perfect, but I also am of the opinion that whatever I may have said or did during the short period of time spent together didn't warrant such a harsh criticism. Even if it did, I still feel that as an upright and courteous person equipped with basic mannerism and ethics which I think everyone should know( but who knows, maybe said person doesn't), if you have anything against me, anything at all, just tell me TO MY FACE. We don't even see each other often, why the need to feel scared of any retaliation from me? We aren't even from the same area! Do you really think that by going through a few parties to get your message across to me I would feel less hurt? Less offended? Less angry? Do you honestly feel that by smearing my name and reputation I would thank you? That I would salute you for your insightful criticism? If you really did then I would really salute you for your naivety and dumbness.

Spite, is probably a really strong driving factor for people to do all sorts of outrageous things to hurt another person. I'd understand if I felt any animosity during the time spent together, but what I can't really comprehend is the way some people can put on such a false front in front of you (pun intended) then turn around and just bad-mouth you so easily. I am sorry if I was too naive and innocent to decipher your thoughts, but if there is one thing I can thank you for after this is for teaching me how you can never trust humanity anymore, how you can never expect that by being nice to others people will be nice to you, how you cannot expect people whom you considered as friends to treat you as a friend etc.

Another thing I totally cannot understand is how some seemingly qualified and smart intellectuals can be so rash, brash and downright rude whenever it comes to dealing with other people who they deem not being able to match up to their status. It really reflects on one's upbringing and grace whenever it comes to situations like this, its really saddening to see seemingly 'educated' and experienced individuals humiliate themselves and others in a public setting over trivial matters. Ah well, all I can say is how humiliated I was to be associated with said person.

It feels good to finally let this off my chest. All in all, after this experience I have learnt a really valuable lesson in life so maybe it wasn't all bad. Whatever I ranted about here I hope not to ever ever practice in life no matter how hard it is, because i find hypocriticism another one of the things I really cannot stand. haha. Then this will be all, next post scheduled = new year resolutions( who ever said that new year resolutions must be posted on January the 1st? lol)


To being good,
Chocochocomonster. =)

Aftershock

I am still reeling from the intense emotions i experienced watching this movie.

Buildings are shattered, lives are lost and hearts are broken. I don't fully understand the workings of the world, the things god does i cannot fathom but what I can grasp is that natural diasasters and tragedies damages millions of people to the core. No one to blame, no one left and nothing you can do except wait for time to work its magic and help sew up the fresh wounds, stop the oozing blood and shield everything from further damage.

Scars are left behind for the survivors to bear, to hold dear and to remember for the rest of their lives.

But what i found to be the most scary wasn't how people are scarred for life by these incidents, but rather, how close to reality this movie was. This isn't Star Wars, War of the Worlds or any apocalyptic science fiction movie but rather something real, something of the same scale but it could happen to anyone, anywhere and it has happened.

The Kobe earthquake, the Tang Shan earthquake, the Sze Chuan earthquake etc. All these really makes one sit up and ponder about how frail mortality is, how easily our lives can be wiped out, like killing a mosquito or squashing an ant.

One wonders, what really is the point of life? From the point of birth to the musky stale coffin we lie eternally, we are merely embroiled in a vicious cycle where we gain and lose happiness almost simultaneously, where we are set on the pursuit of happiness and perfection which may never be ours before we have to bid adieu, where our value is based on how much we have earned, how well we have lived our life and how successful we seem to be. We mortal beings try our best to figure out the meaning of life, reading books after books on self motivation, spiritual health, trying so damn hard to figure out the workings of the universe, but what for?

WHAT ARE WE LIVING FOR?

* this is a really fragmented and crappy post with shitty content, I just can't figure out what to write.

ChocoChocoMonster.

Being 5 again!

Watching this 10 years ago left no impact on me whatsoever as i was probably too uncultured, and dumb to understand the intricacies of every the plot and emotions of the characters. It was like touch & go and left no imprint on my mind.

But fast forward 10 years, as i sit in the cinema watching woody, mr potato, rex and buzz lightyear dot the screen with their performances, i feel so enlightened, so happy and so grateful to be able to reminisce what it was like to be without worry or thought, to laugh and smile like a child and to even think like one. Although i may have forgotten what it really was like being a child, but at least i could imagine myself as one, for the three hours in the dark, behind those 3D glasses, I felt wonderful.

Not wanting to miss even a second of that wonderful feeling glued me to my seats even during the 10 min intermission,everything was too good to miss.

I never ever want to forget what i felt last night and therefore i am writing this.

To those who have forgotten how it feels to be a kid and have embroiled themselves into the daily workings of life, i urge you guys to go and give this movie a try. You won't regret it.

Now, i will save this memory in my heart and get back to finishing the pile of work i have waiting on my desk.

CIAO!

Nostalgia

The last time I experienced such feelings were when i was in Bali? strolling along the streets at night. I never expected to experience such feelings back in Penang.

Walking aimlessly at night with a bunch of chestnuts in hand, beads of sweat soak through my shirt only to be dried by a strong yet gentle night breeze. A feeling of calmness overcomes me, I feel safe, happy and curious. Curious about this quaint little town, about the winding streets and old fashioned hotels. The darkness intrigues me, I just want to keep walking.

Trishaws are aplenty, a few elderly men sit smoking, staring aimlessly ahead, people devour steaming hot bowls of pork intestine porridge by the dusty roads. A motorbike zooms by, everything seems so surreal, I feel as if i am in another era, another sense of time.

Stumbling across a musty and dusty bookshop, i crouch among the tottering shelves searching for that one book to purchase, beads of perspiration form along my hairline but i am not about to give up. the crumpled cover and yellowed pages catch my eye, voila! I've found the one i was looking for.

The night is beautiful. peaceful. wonderful.

Being a tourist on home soil isn't so bad after all. =)

Love is found only at night.

Emotion

I've been going through a plethora of emotions lately, during the debate competition it was first extreme nervousness, then it changed to hilarity then disappointment, surprise, shock and just complete craziness. It was my first time experiencing the joy of winning and the fun of just talking crap this year, and it was refreshing. Being new and inexperienced, i didn't have much pressure on my shoulders, i felt lucky if i was able to complete my speech and jubilant if i could manage to scrape a win together with my teammates. Having the opportunity to go up against the creme De la creme of the secondary debate circle was a jaw-dropping experience.

It was then that we realized how extremely unprepared we were and how shallow our knowledge was, going up against them was a wake up call (not to say the rest weren't), but pitting our strengths against someone much much stronger made us know our limits and the areas we had to improve on. It was totally an experience which i will treasure among others in the short yet not quite short span of my secondary school life. Hopefully, we will be able to leap up to their standards in the near future and enjoy the wonderful emotion of VICTORY over them. ;-)

Next, moving on to the drum camp. WOW, it was an experience to behold. The team spirit was one of the best I'd ever experienced, compared to last year. This year's camp was a trillion times better and moving compared to the last. Maybe because its also my second year on the team, and naturally i would have a stronger sense of belonging and would be able to have more fun.

But, this was the first time my society has ever moved me to tears, not once, not twice but thrice!!! My seniors have this amazing capability to coax tears using their words, u feel the love and passion they harbor towards the team and its impossible to remain untouched. Their sacrifices for a single cause is so great that i could never imagine myself being in their position, doing the things they do.

Of all the seniors on the team, my leader was the greatest among them all, she placed all her hope on us, hoping that we could achieve what she had in mind. She sacrificed her all to help us get to where we are today, she lost her voice trying to guide us onto the right track but what she didn't lose was her faith. She had faith in us, even though we weren't the best or the brightest, she held hope that we could become like the rest. Thank you, for having faith even during the darkest hours, thank you for not living us to our own abandon, thank you for just being there for us and THANK YOU, FOR BELIEVING IN US.

This holiday was one of the best i have had, although i am currently freaking out over my tons of unfinished homework, i believe that it was worth it.

To believing,

cheers!

FF.

2009 & brand new 2010!

Well,this is the customary post that 99% of bloggers write, regarding how 2009 was like for them. And since i am free( until tomorrow), what better way to past time?

The year 2009 though disastrous for most, has actually been quite a good year for me. i think i will list out what happened during 2009 which made me feel this way. =)

1) I joined a new society, a fun one to boot! Though i deeply regret not joining it during form 1, i am still pleased with how i performed during extra curricular activities. Joining this has taught me to ignore what other people might have to say about a particular subject and just be daring enough to try it out for yourself. I never imagined myself joining the 24 seasons drum team, it was always made to sound like a very very tiring, tough and a 'boys' society. Considering my physique and limited musical abilities, i was seriously doubting how i would fare in such a physically demanding society. Surprisingly, the physical tests were quite ok for me, what actually had me stumped was the discipline and high level of practice one needs to go through in order to catch up. Being LAZY & a HABITUAL PROCRASTINATOR doesn't help much. My performance during society and the boot camp was rather lack lustre and i hope 2010 will give me a chance to redeem myself. =)

2) I improved my purata score by 0.2! A meagre sum, but considering the level of effort i put in, i am considerably pleased though i know there's lots more to work on. ;-)

3) I went TRAVELLING!!!!!!!! after experiencing travel drought for almost 3 years, i am damn happy that i managed to visit 3 countries this year! Maybe i will blog about my travels on another day =) I am praying very very very hard that the year 2010 will give me more opportunity to set foot on foreign soil! There's lots more to see out there and i seriously <3 TRAVELLING. =)

4) I made GREAT FRIENDS!!! all of them have been nothing but supportive, helpful, sincere and fun. I have never been as happy in my whole 8 years of school life=) and never have i encountered such beautiful and gracious human beings, my FRIENDS are what made 2009 one of the BEST YEARS OF MY LIFE.

5) I jogged 5km. For a good cause. And i feel quite proud of myself. ps: i didn't really jog la, it was something like a jog+ walk. ;-) It made me appreciate the beauty of kenny hills ( which where my dream house is located ;-) and it made me feel DAMN GOOD about myself. hehe.

6) I PERFORMED ON STAGE!!! and our performance won 2nd prize!! And this is coming from someone who used to have stage fright.Haven't completely conquered my fear, but don't worry, i will get there soon. =)

7) I pontenged school, i dunno why it makes 2009 awesome, its just something i did which i have never done in secondary school before. They even sent a letter to my house and i had to feign having H1N1 symptoms. ;-)

8) I started on TWITTER!!! Its damn addictive and informative! ,<3 it!!!

9) Last one now....hmm....I learned to appreciate time. coz time just passes so quickly, I started this blog bidding goodbye to year 2008 and now i am doing the same for 2009. A year gone is a year gone, no point brooding about past regrets and things left undone. All we can do is try to right our wrongs, do what we left undone and achieve better things in the year to come.

So even though its a bit overdue, I am officially bidding adios to 2009! May all my dreams come true in the new year ahead! =)

xoxo,
Chocochocomonster.

New Year Resolutions =)

I know i have basically faded into oblivion since my last post which was eons ago, so sorry for that. To redeem myself i have decided to write about my 2010 New Year Resolutions, for 2 reasons. 1) i blog too little?? lol. just wanna find something to write if not my writing skills will get rusty and i am joining my sch's editorial board next year( as a small helper only la), so must polish them up!! heehee =) 2) by sharing my resolutions online, that means its harder to back out lo, if not it will be very EMBARRASSING. i have got quite a big ego, so as to not bruise it, this blog post will spur me to achieve my goals . lol. very lame excuse, but no choice, as i am quite lame. haha =)

Ok, cutting to the chase, below are the 10 new year sesolutions i have set for myself and i hope to achieve it in the new year 2010. =) wish me luck!

1) i WANT to get straight A's for my PMR & JUEC exams!!!
Altogether 15 A's coz i am dropping ART in my JUEC, heehee ;-)

2) to achieve that i need to STUDY right? so my next resolution is to set a good study plan and abide to it( minus all the PROCRASTINATION & LAZINESS) ps: this will be the hardest! 0.O*fingers crossed in fervent prayer*

3) pull my purata up to 83-85%, this will require me to complete resolution number 2, lol. subjects i need to work on are : a) MATHS( algebra+ geometry) b) BIOLOGY c) PHYSICS d) BM
phew, gotta really buck up.

4) Learn FRENCH, must be able to pass lvl 1 and progress on to basic user lvl 2. no slacking on this!!

5) Improve my chess skills. PRACTICE MORE....!

6) If i have the time, maybe take up Japanese again =) Japanese guys are too cute la. haha

7) Excel in extra curricular activities( 24 seasons drums ), maybe join the debate team?? editorial board etc. Be a more responsible and reliable person. Take on more challenges?

8) Finish 40 books in the whole year, fiction & non fiction.( english + mandarin + bm? ) haha
And exercise more!!! become more active. haha.

9) Try my best to overcome my shyness, and change to be someone more bold, outspoken and adventurous. =) Take the initiative to make new friends and be more sociable =D

10) ok ok, last one d. Overall, just be a better person than i was before. Create more joy among my friends & contribute more to society =) ( this is most important)

OK, thats it for 2010. Thanks for reading and i really hope u enjoyed reading it.

PEACE OUT.
Marie =)